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You Can't Make up this Stuff!

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Field engineers get to travel the world on assignments. We encounter unusual things and some times wierd and funny things happen to us. We are often alone in our travels with no one (Americans, friends, family) to share the experiences. You can't make up some of the stuff that occurs. It's often too bizarre for the imagination. Read on.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! The Dumbest Thing I Ever Did With GETSCO!
David fue muy estupido!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! World Travel at its BEST
Some of Larry Patchett's experiences
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Take this plane to La Fria!
My own private jet and no one there to enjoy it with me!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Lost in the Translation? Not!
Dave Lucier headed up a team of engineers installing two frame 5 gas turbines in Vietnam during the conflict. He tells this story about communications on the job.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Judged to be 10% wrong.
Endure 30 days in jail or leave the country. You decide.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! GETSCO Hombres in Venezuela!
Dave, I found this picture burried in a bottom drawer. It was taken at th e Guanta site, Puerto la Cruz, Venezuela, in the summer of 1982 during the Anglo/Argentine Falklands war. The banner should be self explanatory, for those gringos that speak "la lengua." For others, it is protest for the English and USA to "get out of America" during the Falklands War. How do we Americans get out of America? The long banner was somehow removed Brent Holmes from a site in Maturin, Venezuela. Left to right in photo are GETCO TA's: Neil Adamson, Brent Holmes, Tom Illingsworth, Dave Tregar, Aldo Ceresa, Harvey Braswell, Bill Hartman (an E&E guy)and a very proud manager... Enver Shefik). I don’t remember who took the photo, but I do remember that, standing behind the photographer, most of the Venezuelan workers were assembled watching what we were doing. --Neil Adamson (FEP-1978)
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Life in the Middle East
Osama, you mama! You want polarizing lenses?
You Can't Make up this Stuff! You might want to change your flight plans!
This is no way to fly!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Employee Outhouses
In Japan they are called benjos. Here they are outhouses.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Field Engineering Services
Who says GE field engineering rates are too high?
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Having a bad day? Have a cookie.
Recently, in Washington State, a 161,000 volt transformer exploded with flames shooting 50 feet out of the top. See photo. To my surprise the fire protection water spays were only there to save the transformer case and not put out the flames. A neighbor living next to the plant showed up after the fire was extinguished. She said, "I could tell you were having a really bad day and I thought this might help." She unveiled a plate of chocolate chip cookies. How great is that? Charlie Pond (FEP-1978)
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Terrorists are not always smart!
Sometimes the rebels are no smarter than the government they are trying to replace. There is one frame 7 gas turbine in the Suralco plant, an affiliate of Alcoa-USA. Dave Lucier and others have worked there. The remainder of the power comes from a large hydro dam.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Nail in the foot? Get a tetnus shot!
Dave Williamson tells a story (that nobody could make up)
You Can't Make up this Stuff! You know you are a senior field engineer if . . .
Credit Al Shuman for these gems (made pertinent to OLDER field engineers)
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Sometimes you just know to say the right thing!
Field engineers have been known to put their foot in their mouths. Sometimes, at the right time, an engineer will say the right thing... to his wife! When he does, it is PRICELESS!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Why Field Engineers need Post-it notes when they meet women!
Post-it notes are handy things to have so you don't forget important things like... a women's name.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Man versus Woman!
Men and women are different, in case you haven't noticed.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! New Drugs for Women
Field Engineers meet a lot of women in their travels. Sometimes they even marry one of them (or more). What they don't know is that some of these babes are (or should be) on drugs. Read on!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Man versus Automobile
Where else but in Schenectady? Who is faster, man or machine?
You Can't Make up this Stuff! FEP's Do Dumb Things!
Here are a few examples of dumb things that FEP's have done during the the training program in Schenectady. If you know of others, please add to comments section.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Field Engineers Can Live Anywhere They Want!
Field Engineers Can Live Anywhere They Want (as long as they can get to an airport in less than two hours).
You Can't Make up this Stuff! A Terrible Female Horse of the Night!
When Texans try to speak Spanish it is called "Span-glish."
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Free the Saratoga Five!
Paul Nagle (FEP-1980) finally fesses up to his involvement in public drunkeness while on the FEP!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Great Predictions
Some predictions come true; others do not. And some are so far "off the mark" that you can't believe they were ever uttered.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Guide to Field Engineer's Tools
Field engineers love their tools. However, not everyone knows how to use tools properly. Here is a guide.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Don't Tell Your Wife!
Things field engineers will never say to their wives (or spouses).
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Critical Path Method (CPM) For Your Next Sex Move
Field engineers learn about CPM's in job planning. Certain events must precede others. Call it the "cart and horse" syndrome, if you will. Same is true in sexual relations with your partner. There are no shortcuts to sexual success! Hint: If the shoe fits...
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Today's the Day
What do you think would happen if your wife met your girlfriend (assuming they are not the same person, of course). LOL
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Employee Sensitivity Training
Most large companies nowadays insist their employees go through sensitivity training. They want their people to recognize what is sexual harassment and what is normal, respectful behavior in the interaction of employees. This doesn't always workout as intended
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Going to Jacksonvile? Where's that?
You never know where you're going until you get there.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Learning English
Learning a foreign language can be difficult. How about those immigrants who come to America and try to learn the American version of English? Could there be a language more difficult (yet important) to learn? It is the international business language, by default. Surely there must be an easier language to learn!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! English as a Second Language
Some people find jobs as English as a Second Language (ESL) teachers. How do you explain these quirky things to an immigrant trying to learn our strange language?
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Tenjooberrymuds
In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language!? Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Signs you'd like to hang at GE
Don't you wish you had the balls to post these signs at GE?
You Can't Make up this Stuff! You might be an Upstate New Yorker if...
Jeff Foxworthy might know a "red neck" if he saw one but would he know somebody from Upstate New York (nay a Schenectadian or Albanian)?
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Pilot's Announcement
Do you feel safe when you fly? How about arming the pilots? Good Idea or not?
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Spouses vs. Field Engineers
Field engineers and their spouses often disagree. Here are a few examples.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Red-neck Field Engineers Are Smooth Talkers!
A Red-neck Field Engineer’s pick-up lines were overheard in a bar.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Understanding Field Engineers
You have to admit field engineers are interesting and practical. Perhaps they act a little bit weird at times, but think what their end products ...well, usually are!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! It's Hard to Explain Hell!
Ever been on "The Field Assignment from Hell?" Perhaps it was in some desert country, a country with jungles or one that is colder than a witch's tit. Hell can be explained.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Women, as Explained by a GE Field Engineer
Have you ever tried to figure out (and indeed explain) women? It is said, there are three kinds of logic: digital, analog and female. Two of the three make sense. Which two?
You Can't Make up this Stuff! What do you mean by that?
Male field engineers and their spouses, girlfriends (or both) have different meanings for words. Here are a few expamples...
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Have a kid with drug problem?
"This is the kind of "drug" problem we can endorse!" - Rob Sigond (FEP-1978)
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Wives Must Learn Essential Spanish!
Sometimes field engineers get long-term assingments in places like Venezuela and they take their wives along. In order to better communicate with nannies from Latin America, these wives often request Spanish lessons. Of course, GE is only happy to accomdate the ladies in order to make the tansition to life in Latin America more "like home in the USA." You can't make up this stuff, for sure.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! When in Rome, do as ......
Some expenses require an explanation.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Rockwell Automation's Retroencabulator
Before GE produced the turboencabulator, Rockwell came out with this "have to have" product. Check it out.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Even Field Engineers Get Old
Questions and Answers from an AARP for Aging Field Engineers
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Talk about Getting Screwed!
This story was told by a good client of PAL Engineering. You can't make up stuff like this, hence it goes into this folder.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! All GE Employees who have been fired or layed off
Notice to all GE employees.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Big Alice
As reported recently in the Tribune, Keyspan Energy is seeking to expand its Ravenswood power plant — a place that QConfidential has found to have a colorful history. The plant is known to local residents as "Big Alice," a nickname derived from the Alliss Chalmers manufacturing company that built the generator at the power plant. When it was installed in 1960, it was the largest electric generator in the world — capable of producing 1,000 megawatts of power. During the NYC blackout of 1965, it was a power failure at the western Queens plant that plunged the City into darkness and prompted the Daily News to publish "Big Alice Goes Bust" as its front page headline. The power plant, considered a landmark by many Queens commuters because of the three unmistakable orange and white striped smokestacks, has even figured prominently into Hollywood cinema. "Conspiracy Theory," a 1997 thriller starring Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts featured the plant. Ironically, Roberts plays a dedicated Justice Department attorney working in New York who’s name is . . . you guessed it, Alice. Coincidence? We’ll let you be the judge of that."
You Can't Make up this Stuff! GE Field Rates in the 1950s
Back in the 1950s, GE field service rates were much more reasonable. 8 bucks and hour! Check this invoice out! Tim Ralston, FEP-1980, was sent this GE gem by Fred Easton.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Harold, the cocky engineer.
This falls into the category: be careful for what you wish, you just might get it.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Phone Message   Bldg 85, 2008-02-18 08:45:00 - 2008-02-18 08:45:00
I worked in building 85, the Apparatus Services Training Center and Charlie Pond called Hugh Holloway and I took the message (because I was the Secretary). Then a few hours later he called again and said this is Charlie Pond again. So I left Hugh a message that Charlie Pondagain called. I know you engineer types will not get this and think its funny - but if you read this and notice there is no space between Pond and again - it is funny because I thought this was a different person not the same person.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Some Field Engineers can remember...
If you are old enough to remember all these people and events, you are an aging Turbine Cowpoke.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Frequent Flyer Field Engineers Should Read This!
Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Field Engineers Always Travel First Class
If only we GE field engineers got to upgrade to these accomodations!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! When Bad Things Happen to Good Turbines
Sometimes mistakes are made, or bad things happen because of operator error or design flaws. Take a look.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Words of Wisdom to Aging Field Engineers
As we age, and even consider retiring (heaven forbid that we actually do retire!) we Turbine Cowboys often need advice. Sometimes we turn to the wisdom of doctors.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! The Top 10 Truths Abouit Life
Truth is often stranger than fiction. Also, it is usually truer than the absolute. Appologies to David Letterman
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Love Making Tips For Senior Field Engineers
Face it, you're getting old. Field engineers get old too.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Lonesome Turbine Cowboy - Retired
Retirement can be a lonesome time for Turbine Cowboys. Listen to this ballad that "might" have been recorded by Dennis Ledbetter, had it been available at the time.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Low Speed Balance - You Must Be Kidding
In Colombia, South America they solved a problem: how to drive the rotor for the balance machine. Take a look.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! An Italian Field Engineer from Nuovo Pignone!
Sometimes it is best to stay home and not travel. This field engineer can't get no respect!
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Useful Field Fixes by a GE Field Engineer
Sometimes you have to take things into your own hands, especially if you are a GETSCO field engineer working in some god-forsaken remote country. This is what one FEP graduate came up with when he needed to fix something on site.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Field Engineers' Conversion Table
You scientific types will especially appreciate this one; it is pretty heavy scientific stuff... converting units:
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Mostly, The Truth
Some great writers have weighed in on the important topics of the day.
You Can't Make up this Stuff! Field Engineer Know These Truths!
Men should pay attention to this and maybe memorize at least a part.
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